Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in Attack of the Walking Baths (With Scissors)!'s LiveJournal:

Tuesday, September 19th, 2006
9:41 pm	oh, it's international talk like a pirate day. i missed it, almost. i should be out there pirating it up, but i'm tired, and have to work soon. ah well, there's always next year. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
9:36 pm	saw the dresden dolls and the red paintings perform last night. yay! theatre in decay and jason webley supported them. it was awesome. ooh, and i got new clothes, which i'll post when i can figure out how to. or i'll get someone else to. had a wierd weekend, which i might post about tomorrow. nox fiat, devil (Comment on this)
Monday, September 11th, 2006
10:26 am	Oh God... Sweet jesus- i've done a terrible thing. after a year and a half of beard growth, i've cut it off, leaving just a moustache and a muff tickler to hide my nakedness. my chin is cold. i'm scared. now i look like one of those english major generals you see in world war two films. it's not pretty. i should never make decisions about my appearance when i'm upset. i'm so ashamed. please don't laugh at me. devil Current Music: none (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
11:13 am	aargh! apologies must be made, and as i can now both see and traverse stairs without undue strain, pain or nausea, now is the time to make them. to all present at the housewarming: my behavior was appalling, and vomiting into fyfe's pot plant was a fairly embarrassing faux pas, and certainly a deviation from my agenda. to all who nursed me in the gutter: thank you from the bottom of my black little heart. thank you shannon, waving on the taxi i was trying to get into was wise. thank you fyfe and sweeney, for not laughing (as far as i remember). thank you probably sha for bringing me water when i ran out of things to throw up. thank you lewi for driving me home, which was a dangerous and foolhardy proposition to be sure, and for putting up with me in my hideous state. thank you again to sha, for dragging me virtually kicking and screaming from the bath, which i otherwise would likely have drowned in. also, apologies again for threatening you with marriage (so i'm told). oh, and further apologies to sha for hitting on kat so grotesquely in front of you. apologies to kat for hitting on her, while simultaneously maintaining that you were in fact a pre op transexual. apologies (and giggles) to sweeney for kissing you (with tongue). and again. and again. apologies to shannon for the worry i must have caused you by being in your home with the potential to projectile vomit on any available surface at any time. apologies to the household for stealing your bucket, which is now clean. apologies to anyone i have failed to apologise to, for forgetting to apologise as well as for whatever i did that warranted it. all i can say in my defence is that sha pointed out to me the following afternoon that organic vodka has a use by date, and the bottle i had bought had passed it some considerable time ago. nox fiat, devil Current Mood: incromulent Current Music: English Fire (Cradle of Filth) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
10:41 am	drinking lime cordial inevitably results in alien abduction i have found an even better cigarette than marlboro reds. indonesian marlboro reds. ha ha! bend over lungs, 'cos i'm gonna fuck you good and hard. in other news, my performance looms close. 13th and 20th of june, so there's no excuse for missing both dates. argh! chilli noodles- they burn! washing them down with tea- also burning. ooh, tired- must sleep before the party tonight. nox fiat, devil Current Mood: awake too long... Current Music: Master and Margarita (The Tea Party) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
9:31 am	something is rotten in a state of decomposition all is not right in gurling land. seriously guys, i'm freaking out. things are getting crazy, like low budget forign film crazy. had a very loud fight with a customer this morning. threats were made, and petrol was refused. a skinny middle eastern gentleman almost gave two old men a heart attack with his screaming abuse, tried to ram a car, and when i told him that wasn't on, and to fuck off to BP instead, he started in on me. he looked like he wanted to punch on, then probably thought better of it oweing to the difference in bulk between us, and the ready availability of nice hurty loose shelving material. then he threatened to "come after me", whatever that means. mistress zadika gave me her phone number, she apparantly wants me to come over for a drink and a smoke of some kind of restricted vegetable substance. possibly green and sticky in nature. i think i'll take her up on the drink, but likely decline the smoke politely. it's possible that my apprenticeship in BDSM is within reach. yay me. most surprisingly of all, i was offered an all expenses paid trip around, oh, anywhere, for at least three months, by my friend ash. i tried half heartedly to decline, but honestly i'd be out of my tiny mind to refuse. she needs a travelling companion she can trust, and christ do i ever want to travel again. she's offered to pay my rent while i'm gone, all air fares, accomodation and food, and sundries. and the part that makes it hardest to refuse is this: she can fucking afford it! without any personal inconvenience! this is a concept i find it very hard to wrap my grey squooshy bits around. independantly wealthy? what on earth does that mean? this all happened in one night. tori amos is playing blood roses, and it's all harpsichordy, and bell-y, and dark and breathy and moany. it's a really good song. so i've asked for a couple of months to think about it before i (inevitably) say yes. note to sha: ash and i are just good friends. nox fiat, devil Current Mood: confused as a drowning minnow Current Music: some song or another (Tori Amos) (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 21st, 2006
11:19 am	hey hey, we're the beetles, an' we just like to beetle around... meow. me:1 sha's mum:0 i win! take that, sha's mother! sha missed her train, and as buses are two hours apart in frankston, her mother cancelled their lunch meeting, which means i get to keep her for the day. yay me. okay, some might say it's unfair, or inappropriate to compete with her mother, and to those people i say: fuck you. the fact is, however you look at it, i win. (victory dance) okay, so it might be unlikely that i will make it to the forge today, but i'm sure oscar the grouch can find someone else to move anvils from one end of the shed to the other, and pack and unpack the boot of his fancypants car with big boxes of scrap metal. okay, so this is a short post. but sha will be arriving at any minute (again). she had to go into the city and come out again. nox fiat, devil Current Mood: chipper as fuck, actually Current Music: gonna leave you (Queens of the Stone Age) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
9:48 am	i'm not posting today (not for the squeamish) mostly because i have been busy with sha, but also because i don't love you, and neither do your mothers. i know, because i was with them last night. mwahaha- mental image of doom! try not to think about it but it is inevitable! nobody can stop the horror! i spent half an hour talking to a dominatrix this morning. i think she said her name was zanika. much prettier than most mistresses you see on the scene- for once, someone i *wouldn't* mind whipping me. mostly the reason i've been off the scene is because everyone is so fucking ugly. eew... 115kg mistresses and balding, flabby masters. even when i was on the scene, i wore a confusing collar so nobody would drag me over a table by my hair. call me picky, but if billy bob thornton wouldn't fuck you, you're sure as hell not ramming a butt plug into *me*. not that i'm naturally submissive anyway. just timid. okay, possibly on the verge of oversharing. maybe i should reconsider reconsidering my career, and go into bdsm instead of demolitions? the money is even better, but the hours suck, and you never know who you're going to have to chain to a stuffed doberman, insert a rubber hose into while wearing a farm dress and singing oaklahoma. i hate oaklahoma. worst musical ever. demolitions it is. i should consider sleeping, but i have this new anime i haven't watched yet. it's called "dead leaves", and according to the director, it's even better than "superfun kid: rubber icon beasts". so i'm gonna watch it now. nox fiat, devil Current Mood: smirking with malice Current Music: Grindhouse (White Zombie) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
4:17 pm	prancing about like little lord fauntleroy i'm dancing at the courthouse in eltham in june. i hope some of you will be attending. seriously guys, this is like six months work. further details later. speaking of which, i'm on my way to rehearsal now. changing the subject, i've stopped hallucinating! yay. makes work more fun, but singularly inconvenient when you're trying to carry on a conversation with someone who cares if you're high. like your boss. or the police. so no more fatigue induced psychosis for me. maybe i'll have some more tomorrow. i've slept two hours today, and won't be sleeping until at least 1am friday. yay. seeing sha tomorrow night. yay. we're gonna have a drink and watch a film together. i was thinking "lesbian vampire lust explosion", or perhaps "my friend the horny squid". there again, maybe those films only exist in my head. but they'd make good, thought provoking cinema. c'mon, you know you want to see them. on the subject of film, myself and snowy still haven't even started writing the script for "mr ed: wilbur goes down", and our deadline is approaching fast. we've only got like another 50-60 years, max, to do this in, and it'd be nice to see some fucking progress. hmm, sorry chaps, have to fuck orf. my troupe awaits, and i think i'm going to be late. nox fiat, devil Current Mood: tired Current Music: march of the fuckheads (NIN) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 4th, 2006
9:56 am	blogging on the blogosphere, bloggily 25 hours until i meet sha... well, again, but it'll be daylight, and quiet enough to talk. so two pretty heavy disadvantages to me already. but i can play with a handicap. by which i mean, i'm willing to face a challenge, not that i molest cripples. and even if i did, it would be none of your goddamn business, now shut up and get off my back about it. cunt. anyway, where was i? ah, yes. my current strategy involves wearing a ww2 gas mask and faking throat cancer, which covers the daylight and volume issues. though i may have to wear sunglasses underneath, so she can't see the sunken, lifedraining pools of despair i call eyes. your eyes are just scribbles johnathon, you don't need them. also, i'll need a lot of cologne to cover the smell of formaldehyde. preferrably not old spice, because then i'll smell like a grandpa with poor taste in cologne, which isn't much of a step up from mortuary meat puppet, dancing to the strains of a silent flute, madly and gibberingly pulled at by unseen hands, grotesquely twisting and bending in the half light... sorry, lost myself. anyway, preperations are underway, and those of you who know me will be surprised at what i'm changing- changes i've always really wanted to make, but lacked sufficient motivation to make. well now it is finally neccessary, if i don't want this girl to run screaming in disgusting terror. or terrible disgust, or something. so life is improving by force. take that, motivational issues! gurling: 1 depression:0 i win. nox fiat, devil Current Mood: happy like a pissy little dog Current Music: Stinkfist (Tool) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 30th, 2006
12:05 pm	it speaks, lindsay- you see? and they said i was mad! poor fools... my phone works, and it is a truly wonderous thing. after a few texts back and forth, Sha and myself have decided to meet at 11am on friday. woot [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<metaphorically,>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] my phone works, and it is a truly wonderous thing. after a few texts back and forth, Sha and myself have decided to meet at 11am on friday. woot <pumps fist> <metaphorically, i would never actually do that> <unless i did> <but i didn't, this time, anyway> it makes me happy. and when i'm happy, my heart shines and the beetles hide- it burns them, hurts their sensetive little eyes. they stop whispering, and i can have a little peace. nox fiat, devil Current Mood: bouncy like cajun fried roach Current Music: Hangin' Tree (Queens of the Stone Age) (6 Comments |Comment on this)
10:39 am	i was a teenage werewolf (well, drunkard) well, that was an interesting night. it was spent with squee and five teenagers. all drunk as retired priests. or maybe retarded midgets. we almost watched fight club. in that i put fight club on, but they were more interested in walking in a straight line, or whatever. meh. my phone is fucked again. no surprise, but especially annoying, as i'm waiting on a message from Sha. grr. nox fiat, devil Current Mood: bouncy like fried chicken Current Music: I'm your boogie man (White Zombie) (Comment on this)
Friday, April 28th, 2006
6:38 pm	there will be no gathering. everybody hates me. at least i still have the beetles... so i'm going out clubbing instead. yay for dream. nox fiat. Current Mood: drained Current Music: Moaner (Underworld) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
10:22 am	muffins of blood so i sit and wait. i'm not sure for what, exactly, but i guess i'm expecting something to happen. but i'm dressed, and ready for it. nox fiat Current Mood: everything's blue... all fuzzy Current Music: the Downward Spiral (the bottom) (NIN) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 27th, 2006
9:33 am	sleep is for the weak no sleep again for me today. decided to cap off my graveyard at the ol' gas hole (servo, for the un-initiated in the slang of retarded shell employees) with an obligation-fulfillingly fun round of dancing. that is, i agreed to attend a dance rehearsal for my performance in june without adequately factoring sleeping time. yay me. apart from that, the housemate is going off to london, or germany, or something, today for his sister's birthday, leaving me alone in the house until sunday. so i'm hosting (if anyone replies to my messages) an itsy bitsy gathering here tomorrow to combat the demons of loneliness. also, the beetles are less inclined to whisper their filthy lies if other people are around. ashe's birthday on saturday. still don't know what i'm getting her. damned expensive, friends are. every so often you're obliged to spend money to keep them from thinking you're a cheap bastard, which is a label nobody wants, especially us cheap bastards. (much harder to lure people into a false sense of financial security if someone has tattoed "frugal as a scottish grandmother" on your forehead while you were asleep, because it turned out the "brand new" NIN CD you got them was home made with cardboard and crayons. second hand crayons.) well, gettin on for time to go and dance, like the monkey i am. nox fiat Current Mood: just fucking chipper. Current Music: ruiner (NIN) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
9:21 am	some kind of tube If you had me alone, locked up in your house for twenty-four hours and I had to do whatever you wanted me to, what would you have me do? Feel free to post anonymously. All comments will be permanently screened because it's a secret. Then repost this in your LJ. You might be surprised with the responses you get. except that nobody will be surprised. 100% of comments will be cleaning or sex related. i bet you a shiny penny. Current Mood: awake Current Music: choking and gasping (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 23rd, 2006
7:59 pm	an orange i just spent ten minutes laughing at an orange. i was about to peel it, when i pointed my knife at shannon and said: "if you love something, stab it until it dies." he replied with "oranges have driven him mad." at which point i started laughing. a lot. and it was really high pitched and strange- strange and strident; it shrilled terror to the ears that heard it. not that ears are necessarily capable of feeling terror. nor are beetles. beetles fear nothing, and there is nothing you can do to stop them. they will creep into your beds and whisper to you while you sleep. whisper of the joys of carrion, whisper terrible secrets that man was never meant to know. secrets that you can't unlearn. secrets that will haunt you until the day you die, and in the days after. secrets that they will hunt you for. but i'll be ready when they come. see, i can't beat them, but i can still keep them from what they want. they'll never take me alive. nox fiat, devil (11 Comments |Comment on this)